We laugh, but sometimes we don’t really know do we🤷♀️?
So, Do they just show up? Who are these people? Is there a number to call? Do they call you or are they texters? Will you know them when you see them? Seriously, what is this village?
In my many years of parenting 😂😂just kidding, I’m still new at all this stuff, well maybe an intermediate, but I have come to realize that the answer to all these questions is YES! Let me explain further. 90% of the time what some call the village is what I tend to refer to as the people you are around the most. For every family, that’s different. Some children are around their grandparents more or have a sets of friends they’re with daily or weekly. Some are other sports families, church families, daycare families, or maybe just your family in general….aunts, uncles, cousins. You get the idea.
That’s the village. They’re the ones you trust your children with, the ones you know would do what’s needed to protect them, keep them safe, with their best interest at heart, and to help when they need it. Yes, there are going to be times when people in your life just show up and help. Did you ask? Maybe not, and that’s when things can get weird, because maybe they’re not exactly a part of your village but possibly “live” close by….know what I mean? So maybe some boundaries need to be set? Or conversation needs to be had, I don’t know, that’s a personal decision.
BUT on the other hand, sometimes this village sees the struggle, the silent cry for help, the “enough” (see previous post) and know that you’ll be grateful for some intervention when it takes place. This is heartfelt and loving help, because they know “you’re about to lose your shit!” and frankly that would be worse than the little bit of help they’re going to provide. They love your children, and that’s why I love my village!
So is there a number to call? Lord, I would hope you have the number! Use it! Call/text/email/FaceTime whatever it is you do, and ask! Sometimes we can’t do it alone. Sometimes we need outside information and help. Sometimes another perspective, besides your significant other, is needed to fill you in on why you feel like you do. Why you feel like having 12 and 9 year old BOYS is so freaking hard sometimes, and why you feel you’re failing as a mother and failing them in the process. Why we feel like we’re doing everything we need to so not raise little assholes who will one day be their own members of society, but nothing seems to be sticking, nothing seems to be working, you spend a lot of your days yelling and then feeling bad for yelling, then just saying”forget it” I’ll do it, knowing you can’t do everything yourself and you need some damn help! The cycle of sabotage goes ’round. So what do you do? You dial that number and ask! Ask for the advice, the help, the “what have you done in situations like this?” The suggestions. The “Am I too hard, not hard enough?” But your pride and ego need to just go out the window, because with those attached you’re not fully hearing, you’ll be in “mama-bear” mode and then you’re not really taking in what this person is saying, suggesting, supporting. And remember, you asked them, so put the claws away and listen, really hear. This is a time when hearing, not just listening is going to be vital! This is a time to be present without attachment. Then, take the time to sit and reflect on what was said, regroup, and take action if needed. Sometimes we do just need to hear we’re doing a good job, but others, there does need to be some adjusting done.
Will you know them when you see them? You should, they’re your people. And most of the time they are there even when you think you have no one who can relate or even cares what’s going on in your world.
So who are your people? Your village? The people, outside of your significant other, that’s a no brainer, and like I said before, sometimes you need a different perspective, you can always talk about it with them if you want.
I know who mine are. My parents, but these are sometimes the trickiest village people, in my opinion. They raised you, why can’t they raise yours (whole other topic)? Members of our karate family, which includes the boys instructors, and my dearest friends, the ones I’m closest to and that’s about it. The ones that have been thru thick and thin with us. These are the people who really know me and my boys, the ones that love them and expect nothing but the best for and from them! These are the people that we spend most of our time with, the people who are family without being blood….well some are blood related. But the ones that I know are my village.
Who’s yours? Do you know? If not, reach out so you can get to finding them. You never know when you will need some back up. And it’s good to have these people on your side….trust me!
Til next time….